Today’s Reading: The Holy Ghost as Your Companion
Just a few days before the February 2008 Utah Bar exam, I experienced an overwhelming presence of darkness and fear. The pressure felt as though it might crush my chest; I could hardly breath. What if I failed? What if the tremendous sacrifices of my husband, my mother, my children, and my six month old baby were all in vain? I needed to come home to them and taking this test was the last mountain I had to climb…or so I thought.
As I threw myself on my bed that Saturday night, the invitation of our stake president came to my mind. In our recent conference he had challenged everyone to study the lesson to prepare for Sabbath meetings, even if our callings prevented us from attending class. As a nursery leader, his words echoed in my mind and pushed me to roll over and reach for my Joseph Smith manual.
I blindly opened the book and let my eyes rest on these words:
While one portion of the human race is judging and condemning the other without mercy, the Great Parent of the universe looks upon the whole of the human family with a fatherly care and paternal regard…[i]
With those words I felt my fear leave and a rush of light and love caress and comfort me in its wake. I experienced the fresh rebirth of my “testimony of the reality of a loving Heavenly Father and a resurrected Savior.” [ii] After years of studying legal theory, I drifted to sleep and dreamt of the law and how it all worked together in one great whole to bless the lives of all of Heavenly Father’s children. I took my exam the following week with perfect serenity.
I couldn’t help but recall this sacred experience and the impact it had on my life when Elder Henry B. Eyring spoke this past General Conference and warned:
The death of a loved one may come unexpectedly. It is the witness from the Holy Ghost of the reality of a loving Heavenly Father and a resurrected Savior that gives us hope and comfort at the loss of a loved one. That testimony must be fresh when death occurs.[iii]
The fresh witness I experienced that quiet night was only one of several gifted to me during those few weeks leading up to the death of my baby. I knew my Heavenly Father knew me as if I were His only child. I knew He knew my baby Michael when angels whisked him away during his afternoon nap that Easter Sunday, eight years ago today. I believe He knew I needed to have the “hope and comfort” that a fresh testimony would provide for the mountains I needed to climb and the tests I needed to pass during that time in my life.
The companionship of the Holy Ghost didn’t just prepare me to pass an academic test, it prepared me to pass one of my most heartbreaking mortal tests as well. I know that keeping this testimony fresh has continued to empower me to climb each mountain in my mortality and will continue to…until I see my baby again.
This week in Howard W. Hunter Chapter 7: Continuous Revelation through Living Prophets
I was born and raised in Alberta, Canada and California and promised every childhood friend I would never raise my family in Utah…until I fell in love with the most amazing fourth generation Orem boy. Now we are raising our kids in the house he grew up in and we love it. I am an estate planning attorney and marriage educator but I really want to be better at those half-baked talents like speaking Spanish, playing the piano, and making dinner every night! Read more about me at mormon.org
Klea, I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet boy. I didn’t know about that. You are truly a wonderful woman and mother to have come out of that with a stronger testimony. I’ve known others like you and you are all heroes to me, to have gone through so much pain and come out stronger than before you went in, although I don’t know if I could endure that. But, it is such a blessing to know that we are able to be together forever. I feel for my friend who also lost a baby at a young age, but she does not have the gospel knowledge like us, not for the lack of my trying believe me. She is strong though and I hope that she will soon see the need for it in her life, as I continue to be her friend and confidant. Thank you for sharing your sweet testimony.
We never knew what life was going to throw at us when we were teenagers together and had the world by the tail! Thank goodness for the gospel! If your friend ever needs someone to talk to about losing an infant, send her my way. Thanks Joanne!