Growing up in the church, I never really planned on serving a mission. Women aren’t under the same mandate to serve missions as men are and I was perfectly content to serve the Lord in other ways. I’ve always loved the gospel and I developed my testimony fairly early in life. However, the idea of leaving home for 18 months and sharing my beliefs with strangers terrified me! Besides, I had 4 brothers who had either served missions or who were planning on serving and I didn’t think my parents could handle sending out a fifth missionary!
Since the age change, I feel like many girls put missionary service as a greater priority than marriage. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a girl choosing to serve a mission if she feels that’s what is best. But I also believe that there is no greater calling for a woman than to be a wife and mother. I’ve dreamed of being a wife and mother all my life and thought I would get married fairly young. I thought my life was heading in this direction which was another excuse for me not to serve a mission. But as always, life throws you curve balls..
The summer before my 21rst brithday, a lot of people starting asking me if I planned on serving a mission. I was writing a missionary who had about 18 months left and I loved him dearly. We talked about getting married when he came home and until that day I planned on working, getting an education and bettering myself as a person. Friends told me that it would be great if I served along side him and that it would be a great experience for me. I however didn’t want to wait any longer to see my boyfriend again and I simply lacked the desire to serve a mission.
Life took an unexpected turn when my missionary came home early just a few days after I returned home at the end of the summer. Over the course of the next few days we reconnected, talked about marriage and even talked about the possibility of me serving a mission. My boyfriend wanted to try and return to his mission and thought I should consider serving as well. Once again, I didn’t have the desire to serve. Out of the blue one day, my mom told me that if I served a mission, she would be completely supportive and we would make it work financially.
I was frustrated because I felt like everyone wanted me to serve a mission and I didn’t want to! I loved the Lord and I loved the gospel but I just didn’t feel like a mission was for me. Maybe I was being selfish about it. All I knew is that I wanted a mission to be MY choice. I wasn’t going to go just because people thought I should.
Finally after everyone’s persisting, I decided to really pray about serving a mission. Actually my boyfriend prayed with me because he was determined that I needed to serve! I wasn’t happy but after that initial prayer, I felt the spirit like I never had before. It filled up my entire being and I felt the distinct impression that I needed to serve a mission. “Oh crap.” I thought.
I timidly told my mom about my experience and she was thrilled! I however kept things on the down low and was in denial about the whole thing. Still after more prayer, I knew I needed to go. My answer was confirmed a couple weeks later during General Conference. This just so happened to be the historic conference where the age for missionary service was lowered. Since I was already 21, this change didn’t affect me. However, I remember thinking “Wow, the Lord really wants more sister missionaries.”
After many spiritual confirmations, I still feared that I was serving for the wrong reasons. I knew I was supposed to serve a mission but I didn’t understand why. This all changed when I listened to Jeffery R. Holland’s talk, “The first great commandment.” Throughout this talk, Elder Holland shares Peter’s conversation with the resurrected Christ. Three times, Peter is asked, “Lovest thou me?” Peter replies. “Lord, knowest that I love thee.” Still, Christ continues to ask this question. The part that really struck me was this:
“What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do.”
I felt like the Lord was talking directly to me! For the first time, I truly wanted to serve a mission. I wasn’t just going to serve because I was supposed to, but because I wanted to. I loved the Lord and I wanted to feed his sheep. I started getting really excited to serve and was soon called to the Michigan Detroit Michigan. I never looked back. 🙂 Heck, my 2 younger brothers and my older sister ended serving the same time as me! (Yes my family had four missionaries out and yes, we made it work.) My life changed forever in those 18 months. I developed an unshakable testimony, I fell in love with the scriptures and I learned to love and serve as I never had before. It definitely wasn’t an easy experience but when times got hard, I remembered why I was out there. I remembered how much I loved the Lord. I learned to put my trust in Him and my life has been better ever since.
A lot has changed since my decision to serve a mission. I did not marry that boy I was with and I am currently single. I’ve been home for just over a year and I have definitely had my ups and downs. However I’ve seen so many blessings from serving a mission. I’ve grown in my confidence, I’ve pursued new hobbies and talents, I’ve made wonderful friends and have found a great job and a new career path. I’ve learned that life never goes the way we think it will but if we trust in the Lord, it will go the way that’s best for us. I still love my Savior so much and I want to continue to serve him not just because I’m supposed to but because I want to. Because I love him. <3 I’m excited to see what He has in store for me!
I was born and raised in Ogden Utah and am part of a big crazy family of 9. 🙂 I served a mission in Detroit and I seriously love the gospel! I also enjoy reading, drawing, photography and road trips. Tacos and craft stores are my weakness and I believe that ice cream fixes everything.
I love this post so so so so much!! I chose marriage over serving a mission but experienced the same questions as you about serving a mission for a very long time. My missionary came home two months after the age change. I was heartbroken, and felt so confused. I so deeply wanted to serve a mission and was going to be 21 the following summer. But choosing to be married instead has blessed me immensely and I have had wonderful spiritual experiences since. Thank you for sharing this, it’s beautiful!
Hey Ashley! I didn’t see your comment until now. 🙂 I’m so glad you liked the post! Missions and marriage are both such great things and I know that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us. He has a perfect plan and perfect timing. Sometimes I’m really jealous of the girls who get married early because I want that so bad! But I’m also so grateful I got to serve a mission. Everyone is different. 🙂 I’m glad things are going so well for you!!