Today’s Reading: Helaman 14:16-31
30 And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free.
31 He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you.
Sometimes when life is really overwhelming for me, I find myself hiding. I’m not sure what to do or how to tackle the problem at hand, so I “hide” thinking that might help. Yep, I know. Really productive. But hey, we’ve all got stuff right? Anyway, during one bad stretch, I would stay up super late, drink lots of soda and watch the cattiness that was the Housewives of New York. None of these things in and of themselves are bad, in my opinion. However, one night, after weeks of this pattern of staying up late and watching fluff, I heard a voice ask me, “Patti, are you sure that this is what you want to choose?”
No judgement. No yelling. Simply a soft voice making me aware of my choices. Over the course of the next month or so I heard the voice once more. Again I heard just a simple, direct question. I started to ponder and think about this. I was permitted to choose whatever I wanted but were my actions really giving me what I wanted? Escape? For sure. Path of least resistance? For sure. But was this pattern helping me create an abundant life or was I just filling time – and my head – with things of no value to my soul?
I started to pay close attention to how I felt while I watched and even afterwards. I noticed my actions were more catty, more aggressive when I would binge watch late into the night. Plus, I was tired in the afternoon, right as my littles were coming home from school. I would drag through dinner and bedtime and then stay up to watch more tv. Writing this, it sounds pathetic, I know. However, it was a learning process for me and really helped me figure out what it might mean to be restored either to evil or to goodness based on my choices. Being sluggish and aggressive might not be evil, but they certainly weren’t stellar either. I wanted to choose differently. I wanted to be restored to good. The more I thought about it and began to act on those feelings, the more I wanted to stop my bad habit.
So I began to choose differently. I printed out the 13th article of faith and posted it around my house.
I wanted to fill my mind with light and goodness. I wanted to be rested in the afternoons for my children. I wanted to not drink so much soda before bedtime! Most of all, my faith in God told me that following good would allow good to be restored to me. And really, in my heart, that is what I wanted most anyway.
Robert D Hales, often spoke about free agency. In October General Conference, 2006, he said:
In these latter days, as in the times of old, we must avoid being acted upon by acting for ourselves to avoid evil. The Holy Ghost will prompt us. Joseph was told to flee from Potiphar’s wife. Abraham obeyed the commandment to flee out of the land of Ur. Lehi was instructed to flee Jerusalem before it was destroyed. And to protect the Savior’s life, Mary and Joseph were prompted to flee into Egypt.
The promptings that come to us to flee evil reflect our Heavenly Father’s understanding of our particular strengths and weaknesses and His awareness of the unforeseen circumstances of our lives. When these promptings come, the voice will be as soft as a whisper, coming as a thought to our minds or a feeling in our hearts. By heeding its gentle promptings, we will be protected from the destructive consequences of sin.
But if we ignore those promptings, the light of the Spirit will fade. Our agency will be limited or lost, and we will lose the confidence and ability to act.
Our ability to act is a very precious gift. For me, it’s one of the most beautiful principles of the gospel. It’s a principle with hope and promise. In the middle of late nights, in the dark, between endless commercials, the Spirit reached out to me, invited me to search my heart and see if maybe I wanted something more for myself. I’ll be forever grateful for that nudge, because it turns out, I did want more.
A lover of words, walking barefoot in the grass and kitchen dance parties, Patti is always ready for the next adventure. She lives in UT with her ninja husband and three small children who remind her that Jesus wants us to be kind and that storytime is the most important time of the day.
Patti, thank you for sharing your experience! Your words resonated with me and gave me the courage to keep fighting my own tendency to “hide” or to numb out when life feels hard. I want more from life, too, and I know that the Spirit will guide me to that more abundant place.
Karen, thank you so much for your comment. I love that you want more life as well. Good luck in the journey my friend!