Today’s Reading: Alma 51
16 For it was his first care to put an end to such contentions and dissensions among the people; for behold, this had been hitherto a cause of all their destruction. And it came to pass that it was granted according to the voice of the people.
Having just celebrated our 5th anniversary, I’ve had the opportunity to renew my gratitude for a spouse that makes life oh-so-nice! Over the years, I’ve found myself wondering “why is he so good at this marriage thing?!” One thing I’ve pinpointed is that, when an argument seems imminent between us, he does not succumb to contention. More often he prevents contention (by being kind, optimistic, and grateful), other times he remedies contention (by apologizing or working kindly through a problem with me).
Why is he so resistant to contention? Because he understands something–contention is toxic. It’s destructive. In fact, Captain Moroni points to contention as the “cause of all their destruction” (emphasis added). Elder Steven E. Snow recently offered a suggestion on how to resolve contention:
[P]ride can dissolve family relationships, break up marriages, and destroy friendships. . .Think of all the heartache you can avoid by humbling yourself to say, “I’m sorry”; “That was inconsiderate of me”; “What would you like to do?”; “I just wasn’t thinking”; or “I’m very proud of you.” If these little phrases were humbly used, there would be less contention and more peace in our homes [i].
Let me tell you about a recurring scenario where my husband’s kind words have helped us avoid contention:
Sometimes me and the kids hang out at home just long enough to mess up the house. Then we set out to do good things. . .just not housework type-of-things. We run errands, go on an outing, or have a play date. Then we return home just in time to add to the mess–by making dinner. On some of those days, the bed is still unmade, there are toys all over the house, the bathroom is a mess, the kitchen is in shambles, and there are dirty diapers on the change table (before having kids, I vowed I would NEVER do that!)
Then my knight in shining armor walks in the door with a big smile on his face and expressions of love on his lips. Our little girls wrap their arms around his neck for a big welcome home hug. If we’re really on top of it, we’ll greet him with a chorus of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow”. I give him a hug and a kiss. We’re all glad he’s home.
He doesn’t mention a thing about the state of the house, though I’m sure he notices. Instead, he gives me a long hug and tells me he’s happy to see me. As he walks into the bedroom to put his things down, he lays his backpack down on the unmade bed and notices beside it, a laundry basket. The laundry is clean. . .and dry, but that’s all it is. It’s not folded. It’s obviously not put away. It’s just a tangled mess that’s accumulating wrinkles. He could have a few choice words with me at that moment, but instead he cheerfully says “thanks for doing the laundry!”
What a beautiful sense of security I feel at that moment–he cares more about my feelings than he does about having a clean house! And there’s such wisdom in that–messy houses can be cleaned, but injured hearts are not so easily healed. My husband’s simple act of compassion helps me feel secure in my home, content being myself, and safe by his side.
I know that as we humble ourselves and speak kind words to our spouse, we will be blessed with “less contention and [have] more peace in our homes”.
After growing up in the bitter cold of Alberta Canada and serving a mission in the scalding heat of Tucson Arizona, I finally settled for the “moderate” climate of Utah. I met my best friend and love of my life at BYU where I received my degree in Marriage and Family Studies. I stay at home with my two little girls, teach marriage classes with my husband, and run an alumni Facebook group. I love to write, bake, travel, teach, and feast upon the words of Christ, but my favorite happy thought of all is going on weekly dates with my husband!
What a wonderful way to honor your husband!! What a powerful example he is of avoiding contention. Loved this.