Book of Mormon: Day 215: The Sleep-training Struggle

Today’s Reading: Alma 37:38-47

45 And now I say, is there not a type in this thing? For just as surely as this director did bring our fathers, by following its course, to the promised land, shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise.

April 2013

A familiar shrill cry broke the silence and yanked us from a sound sleep. My husband groaned. I followed suit as I sunk the heels of my hands into my eyes, refusing to open them in the middle of the night. Our baby’s fussy and disquieted nature made for difficult days. But that wasn’t all–at almost ten months old, her sleep schedule was sporadic. . .and we were exhausted!  

I finally forced my eyes open, pried my head off the pillow, and got out of bed. After stumbling through the dark, I found my wailing child standing in her crib. I pulled her close, and kissed her soft, downy hair. “You silly monkey!” I said. “Don’t you know you’re supposed to sleep at night?” I trudged toward the living room couch and nursed her until she slept like an angel. After laying her in her crib, I tiptoed to my room, hoping she’d sleep the rest of the night. But alas, our restless routine restarted only a couple hours later.

What are we going to do about that baby of ours?” I asked in exasperation the next morning. My husband stared at me momentarily through zombie eyes before responding: “I say we just ‘rip off the band-aid’ and let her cry until she falls asleep. She’ll learn not to wake up when no one responds”. My stomach churned–since I asked for my husband’s opinion, I didn’t want to ignore it. But letting my baby cry, hurt my mother-heart. I didn’t want her to become insecure–not knowing if we would respond to her needs. “I dunno” I said, “maybe I’ll pray about it and search the scriptures to see if I can find an answer.”

Searching for Answers

And so the search commenced. But in all honesty, I had an agenda–rather than seeking counsel from the Lord (or my husband)[i], I was just looking for scriptures that supported my opinion. When I felt I had found “the best course of action,” I brought the results to my husband.

“Look what I found in the scriptures!” I said, feeling a little smug about my discoveries. “Our loving Heavenly Father hears our cries and answers our prayers. We want to be good parents like him, right? So . . .I think we should respond to her.” I was assertive in my approach, but I was surprised to feel like the Holy Ghost wasn’t backing me up! I tried reasoning with myself: “Obviously letting my child cry isn’t the ethical way to help her sleep through the night, right?!”

For our sake and hers, I yearned for an answer to our problem. I had already dug through the best-selling sleep-training book on the market and tried to apply its principles. I asked for advice from mommy friends whom I trusted. But regardless, we still weren’t having much success. At that point I just hoped that sleep-training wisdom would distill upon my mind in the form of some ne’er-before-revealed,  yet foolproof technique.

However, there was a barrier that prevented any sort of revelation from coming to me–a hard heart. I had asked for help, but I was counseling the Lord on how to help me. Essentially I was saying “Heavenly Father, help me solve this problem. . .but let me do it my way.” But after enduring another rough night and feeling powerless in my circumstance, I finally humbled myself–praying with real intent that Heavenly Father would guide us to the best solution.

Heavenly Father was watching all this. He knew me; he knew my husband; he knew my daughter. . .and he answered our prayers.

Our Answer

In my dream a night or two later, the words to some scriptures flowed through my mind. One was Psalms 30:5 “weeping may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning” [ii]. The other was Isaiah 54:7 “for a small moment have I forsaken thee but with great mercies will I gather thee”[iii]. I woke up taken aback at the direct answer I received. I shared my dream with my husband, suggesting that we let our baby cry at night and embrace her with love in the morning. He, of course, was on board with this approach. And I was relieved to feel like the Holy Ghost was too.

The next night I decided to “experiment upon the word” and my faith was tested [iv]. The first night she woke up and cried for an hour. The second night she cried for about an hour and a half! It was excruciating to hear her cries and there were several times that I was ready to ditch our experiment and run to her aid. But after prayer and coaching from my husband, I felt strengthened. I watched our daughter on the baby video monitor, feeling a greater sense of peace. She was sad, but safe. Eventually she curled up with her blanket and dozed off to sleep. After the second night, our baby girl slept through the night–with only a few exceptions, crying five minutes or so before falling back to sleep. We embraced her with love each morning and she responded cheerfully!

Our Personal Liahona

It’s been more than three years since this experience, but it will always serve as a reminder of the things I learned. I can’t say I discovered “some ne’er-before-revealed, yet foolproof technique.” Nor do I claim to have determined the the one-size-fits-all solution to sleep-training. Certainly “there is not one solution that covers every situation. . . [rather we are to] seek the will of the Lord, and listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost [because] what is right for one family may not be right for another [v].

One of the things I learned is that the scriptures, like the Liahona, are a gift from God to point the way–for us and our families, in our very specific circumstances.

As Richard G. Scott taught:

Scriptures are like packets of light that illuminate our minds and give place to guidance and inspiration from on high. They can become the key to open the channel to communion with our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ.[vi]

Although I hadn’t formally sat down and tried to memorize those Bible verses, I had read and pondered them enough that the words were there when I needed them. As we study and ponderize [vii] the scriptures we are familiarizing ourselves with the voice of God. When we need help, Heavenly Father can speak to us in his own words because we, to some degree, have committed verses of scripture to memory.

I know that God watches over us. As we internalize the scriptures, they can guide us like the Liahona, and  we will be “carr[ied] beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise.”