BOOK OF MORMON: DAY 206: Trust in the Savior and His Love

Today’s Reading: Alma 33

11 And thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity; and it is because of thy Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions, for in thee is my joy; for thou hast turned thy judgments away from me, because of thy Son.”

There was a time in my life when I felt so sad and low that I thought nothing would ever make me feel better. I was inactive at the time and far from feeling the comfort of the Spirit or the love of my Savior and Heavenly Father. I felt hopelessly alone and empty. For months it felt like I had a gaping hole in my chest. I couldn’t eat and all I wanted to do was sleep because I didn’t want to feel the pain.


The circumstances that drove me to this point don’t seem important anymore, except to remind me what happened when I tried to separate myself from God with sin and a ceasing of prayer. It had been years since I had prayed at this point in my life; but there came a day when I just couldn’t take the aching anymore. I felt unable to navigate through life. I felt as if I was walking in a whirlwind; every thing felt cloudy and confusing–I just wanted clarity and peace.


It was strange for me to be in this position. I was a genuinely happy person; outgoing, always chasing fun and adventure, driven and focused. Because these feelings were so against my nature, I was confused why it was so hard for me to shake them off. I had never felt this way in my life before, and after months I thought I would never feel like myself again.


One particularly hard day, I was at the end of my rope and thoughts of ending my life started to creep into my mind. They scared me and humbled me even more. Something inside of me knew that I needed God. I will never forget that day. I bowed my head and offered a tearful prayer for the first time in years. I pleaded with Heavenly Father to be merciful to me. I told Him that I knew I didn’t deserve His help, that I had known better than the way I had been living and I was sorry, and to please accept my prayer. I begged for forgiveness and then I begged with everything I had for peace, for happiness, for the hole in my chest to fill up, for the emptiness to leave.


I cried and cried as I poured my heart out, hoping that it was enough. When I finished I didn’t feel any different, and I started to become angry. As I stood up, I got a clear prompting to go to a special place. At first I was hesitant and didn’t want to, but it came again, and stronger, until I felt like some unseen force was pushing me where I needed to go.


Now, looking back, I see that Heavenly Father was testing me. He was trying to see just how willing I was to listen and follow the spirit. How broken was my heart? How contrite was my spirit? Was I willing to forsake the life I had been living to feel the peace I so desired?


As I walked into the institute building near the University where I was studying, an overwhelming peace filled my heart. I can’t explain the relief I felt, but after months of feeling so uncertain and so alone, I knew deep down in my core that everything was going to be ok. The emptiness in my chest that I had felt for months filled up immediately, and as I looked at a big painting  of the Savior hanging in the foyer, I remembered everything I had been taught as a little girl, and the knowledge I had about who He was came flooding back.


I never looked back after that day. My whole life changed in an instant as I realized that nothing in the world is worth sacrificing the peace and hope that comes only from the Savior. I am so grateful for His mercy and His love. It is because of Him that our Father hears our pleadings, even when we are far from the path we should be walking. He hears all of His children’s prayers and He answers them because of His Son. His love is unbound because of His Son. Our lives are saved because of His Son.
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President Monson said this about prayer:
“There is no expiration date on the Lord’s injunction to pray. As we remember Him, He will remember us. Most of the time there are no flags waving or bands playing when prayer is answered. His miracles are frequently performed in a quiet and natural manner.”[1]
 Even though I had turned my back on my Father in Heaven, He never left me. He and my Savior were always there, waiting for me to turn and reach toward them. Waiting to answer my prayers.


I am so grateful for my Savior. I feel so blessed to be where I am after being in such a horrible state five years ago and none of it would have been possible without His intercession on my behalf. That day was so miraculous to me, even though the rest of the world didn’t even notice, I felt my heart change in a way I never thought possible.  I will never forget the pure love that enveloped me and filled me up. In the Savior is my joy, my hope, my life. Let His atonement work in your life. Feel and partake of its healing power and its enabling power. It is available to everyone, it knows no bounds and has no limits.

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