Today’s Reading: Mosiah 7: 1-15
13 For I am assured that if ye had known me ye would not have suffered that I should have worn these bands. For I am Ammon, and am a descendant of Zarahemla, and have come up out of the land of Zarahemla to inquire concerning our brethren, whom Zeniff brought up out of that land.
When it comes to any subject, there are two levels of knowing. The first generally comes by reading, studying or hearing about a topic; the second comes from first-hand, personal experience. Take for example the distinct difference between reading about what a fire looks and feels like versus seeing one and feeling the heat for yourself. Hearing the crackling flames and then perhaps trying your hand at roasting marshmallows over glowing red coals are experiences that deepen understanding and appreciation for what fire is and what it can do. These same principles of knowing can be applied in coming to know who we really are and how the Savior feels about us personally.
An inspired challenge given to the young women of my ward a few years ago put me on a path that changed my relationship with the Savior and my view of myself forever.
Our young women’s president challenged both the young women and us as their leaders to pray to be able to see ourselves as we really are and how the Savior felt about us individually. As I pondered this challenge that Sunday afternoon, I thought back through a lifetime of Primary songs, recitations of the Young Women motto, and sacred opportunities for divine communication via priesthood blessings. I felt like I had a pretty decent grasp on how the Lord viewed me.
I marveled though, as I felt the Spirit confirm to me in my seat that day that this was a challenge that I should accept. I needed to specifically pray to come to know exactly how the Lord felt about me–right then and there. The idea that little ol’ me, in my current state of imperfection, was worthy of such a manifestation, was surprisingly intimidating.
Was I asking for too much? Was I going to be faced with everything that I was doing wrong?
I can testify now that what came over several weeks and then months of focused and intentional prayer, study, fasting, and temple attendance was nothing short of miraculous. It was like the difference between reading about fire versus feeling the flames warm on my face. It was then that I could see for the first time that I had not really known myself as he did. My view and understanding of who I really was and how the Savior felt about me had been limited by my mortal experiences and filtered through that somewhat jaded understanding.
I was shown that I had been like the king who had bound Ammon–not fully knowing the disciple of Christ that I truly was. This deeper level of knowing of who I had been for an eternity before coming to this earth increased my confidence. It magnified my self-compassion and interestingly enough, decreased my tendencies towards perfectionism while keeping me inspired to be the best version of myself. His love has helped me to better know that…
Our true identity is not marathoner, baker, stock broker, or book worm, but rather something a million times greater in value–that of DISCIPLE.
Seeker of all things that lift our mind, body, and spirit. Unabashed tree hugger, chronic adventurer, and lover of words.