Today’s Reading: 1 Nephi 21- 1 Nephi 22:7
15 For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.
16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.
I am so willing to forget the storm of this past week. It started with a low pressure system of “monthly” emotions mixed with gusts of teenage ingratitude, a hailstorm of bickering, and an avalanche of eyeball rolling that sent me crawling to my bedroom for cover. Eighteen years of parenting hopes, efforts, and optimism came crashing down when, in grief, it seemed I was doing it all for nothing. Every time I tried to pull myself out of my death spiral, another pathetic example of my failure as a mother, friend, or visiting teacher came crashing down on me wave after wave.
Finally I just crawled into bed, curled up in the fetal position, and seriously cried:
FORGET IT! I AM DONE! THE END! FORGET IT ALL!
As the tears turned into sobs, and the sobs continued for more than an hour, I started to wonder if I could cry all night. With that thought, like a voice calling to me through my grief, Dantzel Nelson said:
Are you finished crying? Then get dressed. Go back to the lab. Go to work! You need to learn more. If you quit now, others will have to painfully learn what you already know.
Her words, quoted by Elder Russel M. Nelson in the October 2015 General Conference, shook me awake and out of my spiral of self-pity.
In a moment of discouragement and self-doubt I might be prone to consider “forgetting my sucking child” but my Savior never will. He has already “painfully learn[ed]” how to succor me and them. He tells me, “[you] may forget, yet will I not forget…I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands”. Through His atonement, He remembers my “child” and enables me to endure the sometimes heart wrenching experience of trying to nourish those who just don’t want to be nourished so much, at least not yet.
He grieves for His children when they are ungrateful, bicker, and roll their eyes at Him, but He still stays in His lab coat. He continues His work. He doesn’t give up, and He is happy to do it!
So I say,
OK Lord, I am finished crying. I am getting dressed. I am going back to the lab. I am helping You hasten Your work. I will learn more. If I quit now, others will have to painfully learn what I already know about loving these children. I choose to remember them. I am finished crying.
I was born and raised in Alberta, Canada and California and promised every childhood friend I would never raise my family in Utah…until I fell in love with the most amazing fourth generation Orem boy. Now we are raising our kids in the house he grew up in and we love it. I am an estate planning attorney and marriage educator but I really want to be better at those half-baked talents like speaking Spanish, playing the piano, and making dinner every night! Read more about me at mormon.org
Oh mama. I feel ya.
I love that Danzel called out to you. She is such an amazing inspiration. Especially when quoted in the loving voice of her husband. <3
Love you lady!
Thanks for sharing and inspiring. I often think I’m crazy and the only mom who feels like this at times. I never saw my mom “lose it”. I’ll remember this next month. 😉
ps. I grew up in Calgary and married a Utah. I promised never to do that either.
Ha! I am glad you guys took it the right way! I am totally fine now, but my poor visiting teachers just about freaked out when they read it. Don’t they know I wouldn’t write about it if I was still in the middle of it?! My Aunt lives in High River. I love Calgary! I grew up in Stettler and was born in Rocky Mountain House.